
52.
I can�t say hello to a new year until I say good bye to her.
My Grandma died.
She�s never missed wishing me a happy birthday. She�s been at every graduation including junior high, high school and college. She was with me when I accepted my first grown up job. She was front and center at my wedding. She�s been a part of so much of my life that her death wasn�t �real� until yesterday at her funeral. She is gone and I will never hear her say my name with too many syllables (Barb-ba-a-ra) again.
I�ve sat on these emotions and words since she died last July. I was hoping that they�d ease up by the time we were able to have her funeral. But they�ve only gotten worse especially on what would have been Grandma�s hundredth birthday in March. She told me last year that since she made it 99 that it only makes sense now to get to 100�but she didn�t�and it doesn�t make sense.
I�ve looked on the positive side that I was so lucky to have my grandmother influence so many aspects of my life.��We were more alike than we were different.��We both loved food and talking about it.��We loved crafts and sharing fun techniques.��We both took pride in our uxorial roles.��It was a special and will always be one of my most cherished relationships.�

Originally, I wrote an extremely long blog post about our relationship. As I read it over the original copy, I could hear her saying �Why do you need to tell people all of this stuff?� I�m not sure she understood how blogging has been therapeutic for me. I�ve realized that this is probably the one part of me that I�ve never really fully explained to her. I needed a place to share parts of me because I do not have daughters and granddaughters to live out the legacy. I thought there would be time in life to tell her�there wasn�t.
So, I�ll keep this brief out of deference to her.��I celebrate Grandma�s life for many reasons but mostly because there are times I�m not sure I could have made it without her love and support.��She never let me quit and as Grandma would say it only makes sense that I fulfill another year.�
